I’ve had to redefine that term [brokenness] to myself since I’ve been here. I
used to think it was basically synonymous with feeling really, really bad for
somebody else. But brokenness is so much bigger than that. We are meant to be
broken by the reality of the cross. We are meant to be broken by injustice and
poverty. We are meant to be broken by sin. We are meant to be broken by pain
and grief. We are meant to be broken by grace. We are meant to be broken by
beauty. And it is in the midst of brokenness that we find love. Someone famous
said that once, I don’t know who though. We find love as it was meant to be
given when we are in that vague, complex, shady mix of emotions that make us
joyous and sad and confused and hurt and hopeful all at the same time. I don’t
know, brokenness is difficult to explain, but I know you know what I mean.
There is simply no other state I’d rather be in. I have experienced real
brokenness while being here, and though it makes me feel like I have no idea
how I feel about absolutely anything anymore, I love it because I am forced to
look into the eyes of God.
This is also from an email, one I sent to my friend Amelia. It’s another attempt to describe how I feel right now. It might not make a lot of sense, but I suppose that in itself would be an accurate reflection of my heart.
Don’t forget that brokenness is only a vessel to get us to the best place: a life totally trusting and dependent upon the Lord. Brokenness for brokenness sake is unhealthy and demoralizing. But brokenness that takes us to a life trusting the Lord for every minute of every day is a good, GREAT thing!
I copy and pasted that exact excerpt from that email into microsoft word and saved it as a document then sent it to on of my camp friends to describe ‘how i was doing.’
man. That’s good stuff.
God.
oh, God.
so it seems that God has some soft clay to work with now. 🙂